September is great for reviewing progress. Setting new goals. Starting afresh…
That’s what I read often, anyway.
Does anyone really, properly sit down in the Autumn and say, “right, the leaves are turning, it’s time to review all my goals, mark my progress, adjust accordingly, and set sail with renewed confidence!” though?
I feel like a failure lately.
Although, it’s fair to say that I’ve never felt much of a ‘winner’ in life. Ever. Except that one time my canary, Custard, came second in the school pet show. Those were the days.
The ambitions I set out in January were modest enough:
Keep driving. Nope.
Keep writing. I managed 3 blog posts this year.
Keep healthy. I’ve put on even more weight, returning to my post-baby, half-a-packet-of-dark-chocolate-Digestives-a-day weight.
Keep a sense of humour. Well, you’ve got to laugh, really, when you look at how badly I’ve done.
My theory in January was that I should try to be more persistent.
Clearly, the only thing I persisted in is being shit at being committed to any sort of a goal.
I’m embarrassed at how anxious driving makes me feel. I wish I could bring myself to blog more but I’m hugely self-conscious of my writing. Sometimes the only thing that I look forward to after putting O to bed is a large glass of wine or a few biscuits.
I feel like I’m trying but failing to be a better ‘me’.
I don’t call my family.
I let O play games on my phone so I can get half an hour’s extra kip in the morning.
I look at the mess in the house and feel like chucking a lit match at it and walking away.
I could list so many more ways that I’m not managing to keep my head above water in work and life. But I think I’ll stop there.
I’ve got to pick O up from school and try not to be the ‘mum who’s always late’ today. It’s Friday. Perhaps we could do something simple and modest, like feeding the ducks in the park, and it will be a success?
Maybe tonight I could swap that bottle of red for one large G&T? Maybe I could try to set a more realistic goal tomorrow?
Maybe I could try again.